Monday, September 2, 2013

It's all....part of the plan.

I'll be honest, the past few days have been a blur. Sleep schedule constantly changing and lack of food, has rendered me in a completely different state of mind. I feel healthier to a degree, but it does bring up some questions. Why did my schedule change so dramatically? Did the outside weather affect this new found consciousness? (I probably drank too much coffee.)

The answer is: cycles

Change happens, your body reacts.

Sometimes you might not notice it at first, but it affects you. When you hear a faint noise in the distance but don't know where it's coming don't know how or why, but you feel different. It's along the same lines as hearing a small mouse gnaw at something, and you can't tell which direction. Maybe it's a disconnected feeling, maybe it's a more closely attached feeling...but when an "event" happens, your body responds.

Last week, my dog, Brownie (15 yr. old Chihuahua) died in her sleep, after suffering many months of a large tumor under her belly. We didn't have the money to take care of the situation.

For a family member, initial feelings of guilt invaded the mind, followed by regret, and ended with depression.

Now...I wasn't a huge fan of this dog. I have very recent memories of her doing nothing but whining at the bathroom door, whining for food, barely moving, letting #1 or #2 on the carpet (right in front of me), and sometimes straight up confused about where she was. But...I never wished death upon her.

It's hard to explain, I wasn't emotionally phased by her death in a negative light...I try to imagine she's in a better place and her pain is gone. The only time it really affects me is when I look at her bed while I'm passing by the living room to get to the kitchen. You just notice that something... different.

A living thing that was right there, vanished in the blink of an eye.

Being there, right there to discover it happen...made an impression on me. While I'm shocked by her death, I'm also enlightened by change. At one end, she was old and couldn't do much on her own, but on the other end, she was a roadblock to making any progressive change because so much care was being taken of her.

Today I found myself cleaning for 6 hrs. Doesn't happen often.

Change is an odd thing. There are those of us to make the jump right into change, some of us who talk about change, afraid of the unknown...and then there are simply some of us who wait for change to find us.

Right, so here's part of my playlist for today's cleaning:

Aesop - Smoker's Anthem

A hip hop song that emphasizes vibes inspired off of Cheech & Chong and "Low Rider" and embraces the idea of...well, you know. You don't need to be a botanist to figure out what this song is about. Promoting the happy commotion, whether you're a fan of the topic or not, this song is sure to invoke a more lively, upbeat community at your party, hangout, or camping trip.

Mindset - Jakarta (Original Mix)

As summer is ending, it is only fitting that I find a call an anthem of this summer. I'm two years late but this song made an impression on me this year. Glowing textures, beautiful can practically feel the wind blow across your face bringing that cool oceanic breeze. This song gives me hope for electronica, as it is original as it is memorable for giving that early 90's trance vibe. Really good stuff, I always look forward to hearing more of Mindset.

Jens Felger - a poem

I haven't followed this artist for a long time, but from what I've heard, it's some pretty emotional classical guitar. While you're busy watering your garden, cleaning house, or simply taking a hike to enjoy the beauty in the world that is nature...listen to this song. It'll be memorable.

As always, thanks for reading.

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